Building Up While Opting Out
Erin Loechner's "The Opt-Out Family" & the practical questions of moderating your digital lifestyle
Dear Friends,
I couldn’t wait to read Erin Loechner’s new book, The Opt-Out Family: How to Give Your Kids What Technology Can’t, after having come across
& ‘s wonderful interview with Loechner a little while back. As I often hear friends and acquaintances express, we don’t just need to know that too much screen or social media time can be harmful, we need to know how to step away from it despite its pervasiveness and addictive powers.Indeed, parents in particular often feel concerned about their kids’ or teens’ smartphone use, but worry that placing limits on devices and apps in their kids’ lives would result in the child becoming lonely or even ostracized — or even worse, would do irreparable harm to the parent-child relationship.
But that can’t be the last word. Surely there is something that we can do. And Loechner has a wealth of ideas!
Read my review here:
“Leaving Screens Behind: A Review of ‘The Opt-Out Family’”
Your turn:
— Do you agree that social media and smartphones are often detrimental to family life?
— What do you think about adapting ideas from “the algorithm” for use in tech-resistant family life?
— Do you use a smartphone? If so, are you happy with your use of it? If not, are you happy without it?
Warmly yours,
Great review, Dixie, and lots of interesting thoughts here that I contemplate often. I agree with you that it's a little off-putting to use the same 'techniques/strategies' that tech companies use to 'engage' our kids. Sometimes I think - does this all have to be so technical? Do we really need to be told how to play, love, and enjoy one another?
My kids are very young - 18 months and 3 1/2 - so I don't ever want to sound like I know what I'm doing in this regard, as we have many challenges ahead. But when it comes to creating a family culture, my husband and I to go first (as Erin rightly suggests) - you can talk circles around kids all day, but if they see you do something other than what you SAY they will point it out! They are so sensitive to hypocrisy! Nothing like a very verbal, observant toddler to keep you accountable.
So my husband switched to a flip phone, I *try* to put quite strict boundaries on my smartphone use (esp. around the kids), neither one of us uses social media, the house is stacked (chaotically so) with books to explore, and we don't have a TV (we have a desktop computer in our bedroom for after-the-kids-in-bed movie nights or future family slumber party movie nights - atm the kids do no screens/tv). And the kids happily follow suit - they are very happy and interested in each other, in us, in the animals, in music, in independent play, and books.
Both my husband and I are largely work-from-home entrepreneurs and technology/computer use is a vital part of that - and my toddler loves to see what audio editing looks like! I don't see an issue with this, especially since we keep the computer separate, at a desk, and not in our hands a la a smartphone. I'm very grateful in many ways for the flexibility and possibilities technology has created for our family.
I think the complexity will likely come when peers become more involved - and when kids naturally become very interested in doing what their friends are doing. It is what makes it so hard to be an 'opt-out' family because you hate to be 'that mom' with the strict rules etc, but it seems so necessary. At the moment with such small children and living on a farm with so much 'real world' excitement it is quite easy to live screen-free/screen-lite, but I'm aware our biggest challenges still lie ahead. I am optimistic, however, that with this growing awareness among parents about the dangers of tech/social media in particular, it won't be as 'extreme' to be a screen-free family.
I too ran to the store to grab Erin’s book after Ruth and Peco’s interview. It’s been so good and informative. I’m about halfway through it now and it is not only reaffirming some decisions we’ve made as a family but challenging us as the parents too!