I can relate to so much of this. I also think, to relate to the conversation about rules, that these things are why it’s so important to have real, wise, counsel in our lives, from people who know our situations and our personalities.
I’ve gotten some very bad, but well meaning advice, over the years! And trauma really has a way of winding these things together with bodies and making it very tricky to identify problems. But so often what we need is more compassion, for ourselves and for others, not less. Aundi Kolber’s “Try Softer” is such a good resource when it comes to this.
So much harm comes from a lack of imagination: an inability to imagine being anyone other than oneself or having needs or experiences different from one's own. I know I'm guilty of it myself. But as I was telling my daughter the other day, it is not mature to abandon imagination; keeping your imagination into adulthood is a very wise thing to do.
Dixie! I’m in tears! This song means so much to me, too. I had a very difficult childhood and still have a very, very difficult relationship with my own mother, and I remember listening to it as a teenager and hoping for the day that I would have a daughter of my own, whose sweet girlhood I could help protect and to whom I could provide the place of safety I did not have.
When my first daughter was born, I experienced so much healing; I knew that she deserved so much love, and that I too was a little girl once, and I deserved so much love as well.
And I think that God knew I needed to be doubly reminded of that, because He gave me a second daughter, too.
This son was my JAM! Hadn't thought of it in years. Thanks for reminding me. And I, too, was perfectionistic and driven. Thank you for sharing your thoughts here.
What a gift to call it back up. And until I read your piece, I hadn't considered why it was so meaningful to me. In other news, I am almost 1/2 way through Nancy and Plum and you are 100% correct about it being a gem of a book. And perfect for the holidays!
Recently, in my journey toward being more myself, I have been thinking of what St. Augustine says, ‘Love, and do what you will.’” As another rule follower, afraid and ignorant of who I am created to be, this has been such a freeing idea. I’m slowly learning to worry less about the things I do every day, and instead focus on loving God and others and trusting my actions reflect that.
I have been thinking about that quote lately, too. It scares me a little because I think many people today would invert its meaning as "do what you will and that is love." But when you think of what it actually means, it's a call to holy freedom, and it is underlined by the diversity within the lives of the saints.
It’s the very inverse that has held me back for so many years, thinking I needed to “do the right thing” and and that was love. But I’m slowly learning that if I truly love God, then the twists and turns of life (both those in my control and those out of my control) are all opportunities to share God’s love with others.
I still love this song. It's in my music mix as a reminder to relax and unwind in order to truly enjoy the people and places God's put in my life. Thanks for writing this and sharing. It means a lot.
Beautiful post Dixie 💕
Thank you, friend!
What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing this - I hope it really encourages those who need it!
Thank you, Kerri. That is my hope, too!
I can relate to so much of this. I also think, to relate to the conversation about rules, that these things are why it’s so important to have real, wise, counsel in our lives, from people who know our situations and our personalities.
I’ve gotten some very bad, but well meaning advice, over the years! And trauma really has a way of winding these things together with bodies and making it very tricky to identify problems. But so often what we need is more compassion, for ourselves and for others, not less. Aundi Kolber’s “Try Softer” is such a good resource when it comes to this.
I have never heard of "Try Softer," but I love even just the title! I will have to read it. Thank you for the recommendation.
Very good point about "real, wise counsel."
It’s so helpful! I really recommend it to anyone whose default life response has been to just try harder/go faster/be better.
I love this. So much of the endless arguments about feminism are just people talking past each other from opposite sides of this experience.
So much harm comes from a lack of imagination: an inability to imagine being anyone other than oneself or having needs or experiences different from one's own. I know I'm guilty of it myself. But as I was telling my daughter the other day, it is not mature to abandon imagination; keeping your imagination into adulthood is a very wise thing to do.
Maintain the ability to be surprised. Maybe especially by yourself.
Indeed. A wonderful skill!
Thanks for sharing this honest, beautiful piece Dixie. It was painful to read, and you have truly turned your experience into wise advice.
Thank you, Ruth! I hope to encourage others and help them feel understood, if I can.
This speaks to me! Wonderful post
Thank you, Emily!
Dixie! I’m in tears! This song means so much to me, too. I had a very difficult childhood and still have a very, very difficult relationship with my own mother, and I remember listening to it as a teenager and hoping for the day that I would have a daughter of my own, whose sweet girlhood I could help protect and to whom I could provide the place of safety I did not have.
When my first daughter was born, I experienced so much healing; I knew that she deserved so much love, and that I too was a little girl once, and I deserved so much love as well.
And I think that God knew I needed to be doubly reminded of that, because He gave me a second daughter, too.
I'm so sorry that you've had such painful experiences with your mom. It's so beautiful that you are healing with your own girls!
This son was my JAM! Hadn't thought of it in years. Thanks for reminding me. And I, too, was perfectionistic and driven. Thank you for sharing your thoughts here.
Isn't it great? I had forgotten about it for a loooong time, too. It resurfaced to me at just the right time!
What a gift to call it back up. And until I read your piece, I hadn't considered why it was so meaningful to me. In other news, I am almost 1/2 way through Nancy and Plum and you are 100% correct about it being a gem of a book. And perfect for the holidays!
Ah, I'm so glad you're reading it! It is such a satisfying book!
Recently, in my journey toward being more myself, I have been thinking of what St. Augustine says, ‘Love, and do what you will.’” As another rule follower, afraid and ignorant of who I am created to be, this has been such a freeing idea. I’m slowly learning to worry less about the things I do every day, and instead focus on loving God and others and trusting my actions reflect that.
Wow, Angela, we need to have coffee soon!
I have been thinking about that quote lately, too. It scares me a little because I think many people today would invert its meaning as "do what you will and that is love." But when you think of what it actually means, it's a call to holy freedom, and it is underlined by the diversity within the lives of the saints.
I’d love to have coffee with you, Dixie :)
It’s the very inverse that has held me back for so many years, thinking I needed to “do the right thing” and and that was love. But I’m slowly learning that if I truly love God, then the twists and turns of life (both those in my control and those out of my control) are all opportunities to share God’s love with others.
I still love this song. It's in my music mix as a reminder to relax and unwind in order to truly enjoy the people and places God's put in my life. Thanks for writing this and sharing. It means a lot.
Thanks, Abigail! I forgot about this song for a long time. It resurfaced at the right moment for me! I'm glad it is meaningful to you, too.