I host a monthly women’s book group and that has been a great way to see friends (without our children, who are beloved but make it hard to carry on a conversation sometimes…)
We had one of these going for a long time and it was great! I'm starting to acknowledge that I just can't do evening stuff, though, and those were always in the evening. I just need my sleep too much! But a few months back I started a monthly moms' fellowship walk (walk to coffee shop, have coffee along with prayer and discussion of an article or scripture passage, walk back) and that has actually been really amazing. People are really opening up in that context!
I personally find that it's easier for me to connect with someone over shared work than over a play date or coffee with just talking. I've been trying to create an economy of project exchanges, starting by practically begging my pregnant friend to let me help with her garden (she's less interested in bending down these days, as you might imagine). Projects are more enjoyable with company. Plus, then your socializing and productivity don't have to be separate, you don't have to find time around your work but integrate friends into your (and their) work. That's my ideal. I really enjoyed helping my parents move furniture when they got new carpet and having a freezer meal prep day with a friend when she and I were both pregnant, so I'm trying to normalize this kind of thing.
I appreciate that you made this point, Mary. I agree -- having something to do together (an actual project vs. just free chat or play) is especially helpful in breaking the ice with a newer friend. It takes the focus off trying to build a relationship and just lets you do something together! I have been thinking for years about how to create situations for shared work. (Once a friend came to help me work on a carpentry project and it was so fun!) But I do run into the reciprocity problem, i.e. you will help me but you won't let me help you. And that doesn't work. Please share more wisdom about this if you have it!
Thinking about it for years, but not actually figuring out how to do it, I mean. I'm interested in your tips! Like: what about the toddlers in the mix?
Hmm well I don't have it all figured out... I think initiating asking for help is a big thing, because that's the least comfortable part of it. Most people are happy to help but uncomfortable asking, so I ask. And then afterward I say things like "let me know how I can return the favor" and I'm kind of pushy with follow up. How's your garden? When's a good day to come over and help? And I say things like "please let me help you with a project because I'll feel better about asking if I can return the favor." And i make a lot of comments about how stupid it is that we're expected to do all this stuff alone and without help, and that it's much more fun to do projects with someone to chat with, etc.
As for toddlers, like I said i don't have a thriving economy of help so I don't have full answers, but a friend helped me re pot some plants in the front yard while the toddler ran around the yard doing toddler things, and same when another friend and I made freezer meals together (except inside). I took my toddler to water a neighbor's garden while she was in vacation. So I guess I mostly bring the kids and don't do toxic chemical type projects?
I host a monthly women’s book group and that has been a great way to see friends (without our children, who are beloved but make it hard to carry on a conversation sometimes…)
We had one of these going for a long time and it was great! I'm starting to acknowledge that I just can't do evening stuff, though, and those were always in the evening. I just need my sleep too much! But a few months back I started a monthly moms' fellowship walk (walk to coffee shop, have coffee along with prayer and discussion of an article or scripture passage, walk back) and that has actually been really amazing. People are really opening up in that context!
I personally find that it's easier for me to connect with someone over shared work than over a play date or coffee with just talking. I've been trying to create an economy of project exchanges, starting by practically begging my pregnant friend to let me help with her garden (she's less interested in bending down these days, as you might imagine). Projects are more enjoyable with company. Plus, then your socializing and productivity don't have to be separate, you don't have to find time around your work but integrate friends into your (and their) work. That's my ideal. I really enjoyed helping my parents move furniture when they got new carpet and having a freezer meal prep day with a friend when she and I were both pregnant, so I'm trying to normalize this kind of thing.
I appreciate that you made this point, Mary. I agree -- having something to do together (an actual project vs. just free chat or play) is especially helpful in breaking the ice with a newer friend. It takes the focus off trying to build a relationship and just lets you do something together! I have been thinking for years about how to create situations for shared work. (Once a friend came to help me work on a carpentry project and it was so fun!) But I do run into the reciprocity problem, i.e. you will help me but you won't let me help you. And that doesn't work. Please share more wisdom about this if you have it!
Thinking about it for years, but not actually figuring out how to do it, I mean. I'm interested in your tips! Like: what about the toddlers in the mix?
Hmm well I don't have it all figured out... I think initiating asking for help is a big thing, because that's the least comfortable part of it. Most people are happy to help but uncomfortable asking, so I ask. And then afterward I say things like "let me know how I can return the favor" and I'm kind of pushy with follow up. How's your garden? When's a good day to come over and help? And I say things like "please let me help you with a project because I'll feel better about asking if I can return the favor." And i make a lot of comments about how stupid it is that we're expected to do all this stuff alone and without help, and that it's much more fun to do projects with someone to chat with, etc.
As for toddlers, like I said i don't have a thriving economy of help so I don't have full answers, but a friend helped me re pot some plants in the front yard while the toddler ran around the yard doing toddler things, and same when another friend and I made freezer meals together (except inside). I took my toddler to water a neighbor's garden while she was in vacation. So I guess I mostly bring the kids and don't do toxic chemical type projects?