I love this! Have you heard of a book by Jennifer Pepito called “Mothering by the Book”? I haven’t actually read it but as I understand it, the premise is how these book mothers helped her along this path of letting go of perfectionism in her own parenting. It’s on my TBR.
I often think about how important these book families are for children, for mothers, for everyone! They give us so much to aspire to, but they also give a blueprint of what a family should be — not a perfect one of course, but I think they taught me what it would feel like to be loved. And I think especially when there is childhood adversity, we can’t underestimate the impact of these good things that are tucked away in our brains. Perhaps we didn’t experience a mother like this, but were given the idea that they existed. The Marmees and the Ma’s and the faithful women in these books I think have formed my idea of what a mother is in ways I don’t even realize.
I haven't heard of that book -- it sounds great. I'll have to put it on my TBR list, too!
Several of us mentioned Marmee (and probably also thought of Ma Ingalls!) when we were discussing options. I actually wrote something up on her for the intro and then deleted it because it was just getting too long. Such a good additional example, though!
To your overall point: I remember that one of the college application essays I wrote (I don't remember for which college) was about how books had had a huge moral impact on me as I growing up. They really can have an enormous effect on a childhood!
Fantastic list! Marilla js an especially interesting mother figure to me because of how much she learns and grows-she reminds us that we can become better Mothers as we learn to minister to the specific personalities and needs of the children we have. And that’s so hopeful and important. My mom reminds me a bit of both Katie Nolan (tough, hardworking, does what needs to be done) and Susan Sowerby (has her tenderness, generosity, and nurturing of imagination). Of course one of my favorite mothers from literature is Marmee. When she tells Jo that she’s angry nearly every day of her life is such a powerful scene-this seemingly perfect woman is revealed to have a fault that she still struggles with is great. And it’s such a key part of growing up-realizing our parents aren’t perfect, but they can still good despite their imperfections. I’d love to see a father post. Mr. Gibson from Wives and Daughters comes to mind, as does Mr. Harding from The Warden/Barchester Towers. Mr. Weasley from HP of course is a more contemporary and excellent father.
Oh, how interesting. My husband Chris (who is also a writer) really appreciates Trollope; I'll have to ask him his opinion of Mr. Harding, as I haven't read those books. I would love to invite some men to reflect on particular paternal characters, but I'd like first to understand what the affect of paternal characters is on men, as I think the list and the reflections might look somewhat different from what women would right. I'm very curious to find out. I wonder whether men would choose the same father characters to praise as women would choose.
He is a very loving father, if sometimes an imperfect/weaker character as a whole. It would be interesting to do both a men pick mothers/fathers and women pick mothers/fathers and see, as you said, if the lists would be similar or not. And what the reasoning would be behind the figures chosen too
The first one who comes to my mind is a more modern children's lit father -- Mr. Arable, who let himself be persuaded by Fern's pleas to keep the runt pig. I'd love to see what someone came up with about him!
I see other people have mentioned Marmee, and she's high on my list too, but I would also include Jo (March) Bhaer - her mothering in Little Men is perhaps even more influential to me because Marmee had four girls and Jo's specialty is boys which, until my daughter arrived, was mine as well! Plus I just love the person Jo grew into, she is hope for all of us hot tempered tomboys that we can grow into patient, loving mothers.
Also Molly Weasley forever! Haley Stewart had a blog post back in the day about the motherhood of Molly Weasley and I have to admit I'm always delighted to see her as I read through the Harry Potter books with my kids. She is so hospitable, so warm and loving to any child who needs her, so fierce on behalf of her family. Perhaps the place she convicts me most is her willingness to enter the great battle between good and evil even though she is a mother; she's still in the Order of the Phoenix even if she forbids her underage children from joining because of the danger. I love her unabashedly.
Finally, honorable mentions to Mary Walker from Swallows and Amazons (raises practical, resilient children who love each other) and Kate Murray from A Wrinkle In Time (handles a prickly teenage daughter with tact and grace while raising three other children and working as a microbiologist)
I think Haley's piece is the one of which I was thinking!
I actually was just having a conversation with my friend Helena about Little Men the other day! Neither of us really enjoyed Little Women until we were into our teens; but I loved Little Men right from the get-go (probably just because there were more kids in it, and I was a kid when I read it).
Kate Murray -- she was one of the contributors' alternate choice. I would love to read something about her motherhood.
And Mary Walker had nerves of STEEL. And she also had her husband behind her and the milk check-in every day, which was wise -- "If not duffers, won't drown!"
Little Men is an underappreciated book (as is An Old Fashioned Girl, another Alcott book that deserves a wider readership) and it means so much to me now. And "Better drowned than duffers, if not duffers than won't drown" is definitely a parenting maxim of mine!
I almost included her in my list but I'm pretty sure she is unnamed (she's Mrs. Milton, I guess?) and she doesn't directly appear in An Old Fashioned Girl, so we don't actually "see" her mothering, we only see the fruits. Polly receives a letter from her which is the only time we hear her "speak" and Polly talks of and thinks of her often so her influence is clear, but that book is clearly Polly's story and no one else's. Polly is certainly a credit to her mother though!
Well, Susan Sowerby is also a relatively minor character who, however, has a significant impact, both on the protagonist and on the reader. SO I think Mrs. Milton fits, too! Sometimes these characters are really special!
I'm so delighted that Molley Weasley made it into the comments section here, I also love her unabashedly -- especially because she is not always "put together" in her interactions with her children, and yet, absolutely their champion. Rowling's choice to include a big family has always fascinated me.
And Molly is a champion of "making do" as big families often must, AND this is not presented in a negative light! The love within the Weasley family is such a counterpoint to the sterile affluence of the Dursleys; Ron has to wear hand-me-downs, his mother packs him a homemade lunch instead of sending money to buy food on the train, his Christmas gifts are homemade, etc., etc., and still the overwhelming message the young reader takes away is that the family you want to join is the Weasley family, not the Dursley family.
And even the physical attributes of the two mothers -- Petunia vs. Molly -- one of them is pinched up and rigid and has to have everything "just so," and Molly is warm and jovial and slaying dark witches in her spare time.
Love it. I always say that you read the Potter books for the story, but you re-read them for the richness of the adult characters. I love your analysis here.
It is also so significant that Molly Weasley is the one who defeats Bellatrix Lestrange. Belletrix is the woman given over to evil, which horrifies even more than a man doing evil, in a way. Yet it is Molly, in defense of her children-and every child at Hogwarts-who defeats her.
Yes, the comparison between those two is also well done. Molly stands up to Bellatrix in defense of one of her own children, on behalf of all of the children. It's beautiful characterization, and it says a lot about motherhood.
Exactly! Just because you look a hot mess doesn't mean you're doing it all wrong! Sometimes, in fact, you look like a hot mess *because* you are doing exactly what you ought to be!
While I appreciated the reflection on Marilla Cuthbert as a mother figure, I have identified with Anne's motherhood, as we see it in later books of the series. When my first daughter, like Anne's, died at birth, the shared experience with her character brought me a great deal of solace, as well as putting into words the grief I felt. Because I had "grown up" with Anne, she felt like a real friend during that difficult time.
Oh, indeed! I also really value the portrayals of Anne as an adult, both as a wife and mother.
I am so thankful that you mentioned Anne's loss of little Joy (I think that was her name), because portrayals of such things are so rare, and mothers who lose children need to know where to look for solace and solidarity and cartharsis. I think Joy had a tremendous impact on Anne's later mothering, too.
I love this! Have you heard of a book by Jennifer Pepito called “Mothering by the Book”? I haven’t actually read it but as I understand it, the premise is how these book mothers helped her along this path of letting go of perfectionism in her own parenting. It’s on my TBR.
I often think about how important these book families are for children, for mothers, for everyone! They give us so much to aspire to, but they also give a blueprint of what a family should be — not a perfect one of course, but I think they taught me what it would feel like to be loved. And I think especially when there is childhood adversity, we can’t underestimate the impact of these good things that are tucked away in our brains. Perhaps we didn’t experience a mother like this, but were given the idea that they existed. The Marmees and the Ma’s and the faithful women in these books I think have formed my idea of what a mother is in ways I don’t even realize.
I haven't heard of that book -- it sounds great. I'll have to put it on my TBR list, too!
Several of us mentioned Marmee (and probably also thought of Ma Ingalls!) when we were discussing options. I actually wrote something up on her for the intro and then deleted it because it was just getting too long. Such a good additional example, though!
To your overall point: I remember that one of the college application essays I wrote (I don't remember for which college) was about how books had had a huge moral impact on me as I growing up. They really can have an enormous effect on a childhood!
I love what you're saying about these lessons being "tucked away" -- we are molded by so much that we can't "remember," per say.
This was a lovely round-up and a great reminder of how it takes all kinds to be examples and inspirations for others!
Thank you, Kerri! It does; and there are also many different kinds of good ways to fill any role, including that of a parent.
Fantastic list! Marilla js an especially interesting mother figure to me because of how much she learns and grows-she reminds us that we can become better Mothers as we learn to minister to the specific personalities and needs of the children we have. And that’s so hopeful and important. My mom reminds me a bit of both Katie Nolan (tough, hardworking, does what needs to be done) and Susan Sowerby (has her tenderness, generosity, and nurturing of imagination). Of course one of my favorite mothers from literature is Marmee. When she tells Jo that she’s angry nearly every day of her life is such a powerful scene-this seemingly perfect woman is revealed to have a fault that she still struggles with is great. And it’s such a key part of growing up-realizing our parents aren’t perfect, but they can still good despite their imperfections. I’d love to see a father post. Mr. Gibson from Wives and Daughters comes to mind, as does Mr. Harding from The Warden/Barchester Towers. Mr. Weasley from HP of course is a more contemporary and excellent father.
Oh, how interesting. My husband Chris (who is also a writer) really appreciates Trollope; I'll have to ask him his opinion of Mr. Harding, as I haven't read those books. I would love to invite some men to reflect on particular paternal characters, but I'd like first to understand what the affect of paternal characters is on men, as I think the list and the reflections might look somewhat different from what women would right. I'm very curious to find out. I wonder whether men would choose the same father characters to praise as women would choose.
Marmee was high on all of our lists, too!
He is a very loving father, if sometimes an imperfect/weaker character as a whole. It would be interesting to do both a men pick mothers/fathers and women pick mothers/fathers and see, as you said, if the lists would be similar or not. And what the reasoning would be behind the figures chosen too
Yes, that would be intriguing. Too many posts for me to arrange, probably, but would be cool to read!
The first one who comes to my mind is a more modern children's lit father -- Mr. Arable, who let himself be persuaded by Fern's pleas to keep the runt pig. I'd love to see what someone came up with about him!
What a great example!
I see other people have mentioned Marmee, and she's high on my list too, but I would also include Jo (March) Bhaer - her mothering in Little Men is perhaps even more influential to me because Marmee had four girls and Jo's specialty is boys which, until my daughter arrived, was mine as well! Plus I just love the person Jo grew into, she is hope for all of us hot tempered tomboys that we can grow into patient, loving mothers.
Also Molly Weasley forever! Haley Stewart had a blog post back in the day about the motherhood of Molly Weasley and I have to admit I'm always delighted to see her as I read through the Harry Potter books with my kids. She is so hospitable, so warm and loving to any child who needs her, so fierce on behalf of her family. Perhaps the place she convicts me most is her willingness to enter the great battle between good and evil even though she is a mother; she's still in the Order of the Phoenix even if she forbids her underage children from joining because of the danger. I love her unabashedly.
Finally, honorable mentions to Mary Walker from Swallows and Amazons (raises practical, resilient children who love each other) and Kate Murray from A Wrinkle In Time (handles a prickly teenage daughter with tact and grace while raising three other children and working as a microbiologist)
I think Haley's piece is the one of which I was thinking!
I actually was just having a conversation with my friend Helena about Little Men the other day! Neither of us really enjoyed Little Women until we were into our teens; but I loved Little Men right from the get-go (probably just because there were more kids in it, and I was a kid when I read it).
Kate Murray -- she was one of the contributors' alternate choice. I would love to read something about her motherhood.
And Mary Walker had nerves of STEEL. And she also had her husband behind her and the milk check-in every day, which was wise -- "If not duffers, won't drown!"
Little Men is an underappreciated book (as is An Old Fashioned Girl, another Alcott book that deserves a wider readership) and it means so much to me now. And "Better drowned than duffers, if not duffers than won't drown" is definitely a parenting maxim of mine!
My daughter loved "Eight Cousins" and "A Rose in Bloom"!
The mother in An Old Fashioned Girl was a wonderful example! Her gentle guidance of Polly spoke directly to me when I read it as a girl!
I almost included her in my list but I'm pretty sure she is unnamed (she's Mrs. Milton, I guess?) and she doesn't directly appear in An Old Fashioned Girl, so we don't actually "see" her mothering, we only see the fruits. Polly receives a letter from her which is the only time we hear her "speak" and Polly talks of and thinks of her often so her influence is clear, but that book is clearly Polly's story and no one else's. Polly is certainly a credit to her mother though!
Well, Susan Sowerby is also a relatively minor character who, however, has a significant impact, both on the protagonist and on the reader. SO I think Mrs. Milton fits, too! Sometimes these characters are really special!
I'm so delighted that Molley Weasley made it into the comments section here, I also love her unabashedly -- especially because she is not always "put together" in her interactions with her children, and yet, absolutely their champion. Rowling's choice to include a big family has always fascinated me.
And Molly is a champion of "making do" as big families often must, AND this is not presented in a negative light! The love within the Weasley family is such a counterpoint to the sterile affluence of the Dursleys; Ron has to wear hand-me-downs, his mother packs him a homemade lunch instead of sending money to buy food on the train, his Christmas gifts are homemade, etc., etc., and still the overwhelming message the young reader takes away is that the family you want to join is the Weasley family, not the Dursley family.
And even the physical attributes of the two mothers -- Petunia vs. Molly -- one of them is pinched up and rigid and has to have everything "just so," and Molly is warm and jovial and slaying dark witches in her spare time.
Love it. I always say that you read the Potter books for the story, but you re-read them for the richness of the adult characters. I love your analysis here.
It is also so significant that Molly Weasley is the one who defeats Bellatrix Lestrange. Belletrix is the woman given over to evil, which horrifies even more than a man doing evil, in a way. Yet it is Molly, in defense of her children-and every child at Hogwarts-who defeats her.
Yes, the comparison between those two is also well done. Molly stands up to Bellatrix in defense of one of her own children, on behalf of all of the children. It's beautiful characterization, and it says a lot about motherhood.
Great point, Angela.
While Molly Weasley often appears to be a hot mess, she is absolutely solid at her foundation. That's fortitude.
"appears to be a hot mess, but solid at her foundation" -- may the same be said of all of us!
Exactly! Just because you look a hot mess doesn't mean you're doing it all wrong! Sometimes, in fact, you look like a hot mess *because* you are doing exactly what you ought to be!
While I appreciated the reflection on Marilla Cuthbert as a mother figure, I have identified with Anne's motherhood, as we see it in later books of the series. When my first daughter, like Anne's, died at birth, the shared experience with her character brought me a great deal of solace, as well as putting into words the grief I felt. Because I had "grown up" with Anne, she felt like a real friend during that difficult time.
Oh, indeed! I also really value the portrayals of Anne as an adult, both as a wife and mother.
I am so thankful that you mentioned Anne's loss of little Joy (I think that was her name), because portrayals of such things are so rare, and mothers who lose children need to know where to look for solace and solidarity and cartharsis. I think Joy had a tremendous impact on Anne's later mothering, too.
Saying a prayer for you today, Angela!
Diary of a Provincial Lady looks delightful! My library didn't have it; but PSA, it's $0.99 on Kindle :)
I haven't read it, but am now inspired to do so!
Well now I want to re-read some of these — but especially Kristin Lavransdatter.
I think the tension between Kristin's motherhood and her attachment to her husband is so fascinating! I loved Christy's take here.
Also I would be 10/10 interested in seeing a Fathers post (and I hope someone does Odysseus)
Excellent!
This would be way cool, too! Nice to hear from you all on this!
Thanks, Julie!
Thank you for curating such a lovely post! Your Substack is a shining example of the feminine genius of online hospitality! 💗
What a lovely compliment, Catherine! Thank you -- you made my day.
So glad to see Kristin in the list, and the entry for her is spot-on.
Along with Marilla Cuthbert, I would add the Misses Miranda and Jane Sawyer, the
maiden aunts who invite their niece Rebecca to live with them for "advantages" in
"Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm". Rebecca gives her gentle aunt Jane a rejuvenating interest
in life and her clashes with her stringent aunt Miranda molds both of their characters.
Great suggestions!