The Other Cancel Culture
Why we flake and what to do about it
Hi everyone!
I hope you’re all doing well and that everyone is being nice to you this week. If they’re not being nice — say, if they cancelled plans on you at the last minute for no reason — you might be interested in today’s essay on the “Other Cancel Culture” over at FPR.
A taste:
“Why does this happen? To begin with, plans sometimes become a source of anxiety and tension in our overcrowded, overtired lives. I myself sometimes make plans while in an optimistic mood and then dread following through when the time comes. I’ve learned over time, however, that honoring these commitments usually leads to greater fruit than simply staying at home. Why is this no longer the common wisdom within our society?”
The whole essay is here:
“The Other Cancel Culture”
Come read — noting nods to
, , and ‘s wisdom on this topic — and then return here and let us know your thoughts! (No just plain curmudgeonly comments, please — let’s think about this realistically and generously.)Enjoy!
Dixie
It’s not just that people cancel more frequently. It’s also that they don’t initiate or invite. I’ve found that I cannot sit around expecting a reciprocal invitation or the etiquette of alternating hosting. I’ve decided that I can no longer treat that as a social cue that the friendship isn’t clicking as one might have in the past. Instead, I simply have to take on the lion’s share of initiation. Without these etiquettes in place it’s harder to understand social cues, and it becomes challenging to sort out if I’m being an annoyance or simply filling in a missing skill.
Former flake here! I was pretty bad about following through with my commitments for many of my young adult years until I started dating my wonderfully disciplined husband. I think one of the aspects of flaking comes from self-confidence. I truly didn’t think it made a difference if I showed up or not, and I didn’t consider myself important enough to be missed! While learning to follow through has been a lesson in discipline, it has also been a gift to learn my own self-worth.